By Zee:
Hey glam squad! It’s your girl Zee, fresh from the Hollywoodbets Durban July, where the theme was Marvels of Mzansi. Well, some folks marveled – and others? Yoh, they went straight for Marvels of the Messy. Let’s spill:
First up, Somizi. You know he lives for the spotlight, and he did not disappoint. He rocked up with four different looks – yes, four, babes – including a humongous dress that looked suspiciously like my shebeen-queen auntie’s tired bonnet after a three-day groove, complete with a giant portrait of his late mom slapped on it. Then he switched into a newspaper-inspired frock that looked like last week’s recycling. Dramatic? 100%. Tasteful? Hmm, ask the ancestors.
DJ Tira? Guys. He looked like someone accidentally spilled methylated spirits on him and then struck a match. Blindingly bright and borderline dangerous.
Kwesta and his wife? Shame, they went for “safe” and ended up “snooze.” Marvels of Mzansi? More like Marvels of Marital Meh.
Zola Zovee? Sis came through looking like a 1997 Nollywood queen straight off a dodgy VHS tape. We love a throwback – but not that far back!
Anele Zondo, Sithole Shozi, and Mawoo? Flawless. They ate and left not even a crumb behind. But Mihlali? Yoh, I’m convinced she lost a bet with her stylist because that look was weird enough to haunt my dreams.
DJ Zinhle? Babes arrived with a hat bigger than Mzansi’s entire gossip industry. Attention-seeking? Villain era? You decide.
Lamiez? She served her signature style with soft life dripping so hard you’d swear she’s the CEO of vibes.
Sandile Mhlongo? Looked like he just got off a Ugandan Airlines flight straight from 1994, rocking an expired passport and 90s nostalgia.
Teko Modise? That poor man’s outfit was giving “Sis Ntombi at Sunday prayer circle after missing the collection plate.” Shame, he needs a new stylist.
Kelly Khumalo? Listen. She didn’t even show up at the event – but what she posted instead was a weird, haunted-looking dress that seemed like it was made by a 10-year-old for a voodoo doll. Creepy couture is a choice, I guess.
And Sorisha Naidoo? Yoh, that umbhaco-inspired dress went so far south it deserves its own visa.
Anyway, until next year, besties – you know Zee will be there, ready to sip, spill, and serve you the hottest tea in the land. – @NewsSA_Online
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