By Zee:
Ma’am, grab your doeks and pour yourself a tall glass of umqombothi because what happened at Universal Music South Africa’s Rosebank HQ on Wednesday night was not for the weak. I repeat: Not for the faint-hearted!
The event was advertised as a “Maskandi showcase,” but what we got was a musical thunderstorm of emotions, inflated egos, broken English, and hairlines so shiny, they nearly outshone the platinum plaques. Yes, I said it. And no, I won’t take it back.
Let’s start with the scandal that was the timing: Two hours late, Ma’am. Two. The guests were restless, umleqwa was running low, and I caught one influencer threatening to call Bolt home before Khuzani even stepped on stage. Chaos!
But then entered Malisha, the boss lady herself. Universal Music Mzantsi’s MD walked in looking like she owns half of Gauteng and the entire Maskandi catalogue. When she dropped Phuzekhemisi as her favourite, jaws dropped. One gogo’s false teeth even shook. “This one knows real music,” someone whispered. I had to fan myself.
And just when I thought the drama had peaked, in sauntered Khuzani, Maskandi royalty in human form. He was emotional, teary-eyed, and clutching four plaques like Beyoncé at the Grammys. Three gold, one platinum. You do the maths.
Then, out of nowhere, someone screamed, “Khuzani’s English is on life support!” And Ma’am, I won’t lie; I cackled. But the man handled it like a pro. “Ngiyabonga,” he said, and I swear even the walls of that building caught feelings.
And the new-gen Maskandi artists dubbed Amasinamuva Amasha? Talent for days, but let’s not pretend we didn’t notice the glossy, suspiciously dark hairlines. Someone behind me whispered, “Are they using paint or polish?” And honestly? If Kiwi doesn’t call them soon, it’s a missed opportunity.
The Performances? Electric. Loud. Unapologetically Zulu. One act even had a tambourine catch fire (okay, not literally – but the vibe was hot. It felt like KwaMai Mai meets the Grammys with a hint of Uzalo plot twist energy.
Zee’s final shade, Universal Music SA, gave us culture with a side of chaos, and we lived. But Ma’am, time? Less lateness, more sound check. And somebody PLEASE put subtitles when Khuzani speaks – my private school-going siblings want to understand too! Until next time, keep your wigs glued and your stories spicy. –@NewsSA_Online
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