By Zee
Ma’am… if you weren’t at Big Zulu’s album launch at Spitz in Sandton City, then I’m so sorry to tell you – you missed the ghetto-meets-glam crossover event of the decade. The launch of Icala Lempumelelo was part fashion show, part taxi rank reunion, part influencer expo, and all drama.
Let’s sip the tea together, shall we?
Big Zulu, as expected, arrived looking like a black Carvela commercial – clean, proud, and smelling like a man who just got another Metro FM Award. But chile, that venue? Yoh. Spitz is classy, but last night it was crammed tighter than a size 6 jean on a size 10 influencer. We were packed like we were in a lounge in one of those Braamfontein flats hosting a watch party for Uzalo.
The food? Ma’am, the food was giving five-star French, while the guests were expecting flame-grilled chicken dust. Confusion was dancing on everyone’s faces. “What’s a canapè?” one uncle asked. All I could do was sip my bubbly and pretend I wasn’t also Googling.
Influencers? Bantu bakaKrestu! I thought I was at an awards show for people who rate perfumes on Instagram. Every corner was flashing ring lights. Some of them? Honestly, I didn’t know if they were invited or just knew the bouncer. Everyone suddenly had a podcast. One guy tried to interview DJ Tira with an iPhone 6 and vibes.
Speaking of podcasts… Sfiso from Piano Pulse was reportedly drunk and disorderly, yelling outside like he was on TikTok Live. I heard him screaming, “I AM THE CULTURE!” while being escorted out. Even the bouncers were like, “Haibo, what culture?”
Socialite YaYa Mavundla floated in, spreading hugs like Sihle from HR on a Friday. She was a vision! Hugged everyone like she was getting paid per embrace. Honestly, we did not need that warmth in that stuffy venue.
Celeste Ntuli? The queen looked like someone had dropped her off at the wrong location. I swear she whispered, “This isn’t what I signed up for” under her breath. But she stayed for the drinks. A legend.
Despite the madness, the music delivered. Abazazi Bafunani with eMtee nearly lifted the roof. Even the waiter by the bar started nodding along mid-service. The track’s already certified. Sjava and Ma7’s Interlude? Soul food.
But malume… next time? Bigger venue, please. You can’t drop a fire album and host the launch in what felt like someone’s passage. We’re trying to vibe, not suffocate.
The album is fire, the launch was madness. If Icala Lempumelelo means “The Case of Success”, then last night was definitely a case of ‘too much, too soon, too crowded’.
But we lived. We posted. We survived. Catch me at the next one. – @NewsSA_Online